The Sacred Act of Sorting
Through a Loved Ones Items
by: Janet L. Hall, The Person/Place Energy Mover
We returned to his home after making the arrangements for his
cremation and our focus and intention became one of locating a
wooden box he had purchased many years back to be used to
store his ashes in.
Room by room I instilled a logical approach - first we'd look
behind and under the furniture, then any storage containers, such
as trunks, bins or drawers, and then the closet.
The first closet was stuffed with years worth of National
Geographic magazines, various other "collector" books,
magazines and things purchased that no one knew about until
that day.
Well, we might as well de-clutter, sort and make some decisions
on all this stuff while we have it all pulled out. So we started our
sorting piles: This to that relative or friend, so and so would like
this ... donate, sell at a yard sale, throw away, and recycle.
I set up an area in the home for the yard sale items and declared
a chair by the front door for things to pass onto relatives, bags
for donation, bags for garbage and bags for recycling.
Suddenly other family members arrived and joined us in the now
acclaimed 'treasure hunt' for the box. I believe all that
participated in the hunt and sort felt honored to be a part of the
sacred act of going through their loved ones things. To be a part
of something so intense, so intimate, yet at times challenging and
overwhelming, is truly the best gift to be given to those left
behind, especially to those left behind that will continue to live in
the home.
We shared and had laughter, surprises, tears and lots of
stories to share of found items, tucked away in a trunk, closet or
drawer that I myself from many years ago found it hard to
believe that he held onto; like the letter from my ex-mother-in
law when it was her 45th birthday.
It was also amazing to me that this person so close to me was a
"closet hoarder!" And I didn't dare look in the attic!
During our 'treasure hunt' I uncovered the most beautiful vase,
not your typical flower vase, yet a "collectors" vase from The
Bradford Exchange - Eagle Art Porcelain Vase: Spirit Of The
Eagle - with a painted mountain scene and eagles flying; a vase
that sat on a stand - "This is him," I exclaimed, "if we don't find
the box we can use this! It's beautiful and has 'his name written
all over it'!"
As our hunt continued into his room I asked if they would like
to do his clothes now as I would be happy to take them to the
homeless shelter. Yes ... first let's see if this relative similar in
size
would like some of his shirts ... yes that would be an honor. So
the stories of fun filled events, occasions and places that he had
worn some of his fabulous shirts to held our attention and
intrigued all of us. We even talked this young relative into
stepping out of his comfort zone of "no bold colors"
of one particular shirt that had big red hibiscus flowers on it ... it
looked great on him and I hope he really does wear it.
We then started the piles for clothes: memory clothes to keep,
another pile to give to other friends or family and bags and bags
of clothing to donate ... oh, least I forget the shoes, hats: cowboy
hats, straw hats, ball caps and fun hats, and collector belt
buckles!
Then suddenly way back in his closet we came across the oldest
safe I've ever seen! I ask, "Do you know what's in it?" No. "Do
you know where the key is?" No.
I'm told it could be in a drawer or let's look at the five plus key
rings that no one knows what any of the keys are to. There were
so many little keys on all the key rings that looked like a safe key
- I bet you have some key rings like this too.
After much comical, time consuming, frustrating, and "let me try
some" I finally found the one to open the safe. We still
wondered what all the other little keys went to. Unfortunately
only he knows. And I said out loud to him, in case he was there
listening, "I just know you're having a great laugh watching us
with all these keys!" And then only to find a diamond ring, gold
chain and bracelet and a very old expired Sears credit card! Boy
did we laugh and laugh and I knew he was laughing with us!
With all the bags of clothing stuffed to the ceiling in my Jeep
Wrangler, front and back seats - with just enough room for me
to sit in the drivers seat, we collapsed from the day of hunting
and decision making and still no box.
The next day we decided to tackle his office. Now let me just tell
you that the "office" wasn't used as an office ... heck the desk
didn't even have a chair to sit at and the smallest of lights to light
the room.
This room he called his office was really a place where he
"stored and hoarded" OLD and useless paperwork, cameras,
boxes and boxes of photos, 10 pairs of scissors, couldn't even
count all the return address labels, pencils, pens and calendars
and so much blank paper he wouldn't have needed to buy any
for several years.
So we decided we best get a heavy duty shredder - and now
we have three new piles:
-
Bags of paperwork to shred and recycle
-
Bags of paperwork that didn't need shredded to recycle
-
Box of important paperwork: wills, insurance policies, deeds,
titles and any other paperwork that looked important
And may I say he had no rhyme or reason to his storage
system, which was really just stacking stuff into drawers; no files,
no folders, just things stuffed into envelopes and most not
labeled.
We got a good laugh when we found a container that looked like
he started to get some things organized at one time. It was a
good day, a sad day, a cleansing day, a remembrance day and
a surprising day. It was another sacred day to those of us lucky
enough to have been a part of his life.
When I finally had to leave to return home, which was hard for
me to do, we had a big stack of important papers to put in the
safe ... if we could recall which key opened it!
Oh and the box ... well I found a plain box under the "office" bed
... not like it was described at all; however we later found out it
was indeed the box he brought so many years ago.
We decided to use the vase for his memorial service on June
16th.
He was my favorite cousin. He was a best friend for 35 plus
years.
He was Robert Henry Adams ... in memory of you my dear one.
I miss you, I love you, I see your signs! Thank you!
==============
Janet is a Professional Organizer - Certified,
Certified Pyramid Feng Shui Practitioner, Speaker, and Author
and can help you regain control of your life, your time, your
stuff, and your environment. FREE newsletter, OverHall IT! at
http://www.overhall.com/newsletter.htm
Copyright (c) 2007 - 2010 OverHall Consulting
P.O. Box 263, Port Republic, MD 20676
All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy, or
distribute so long as this copyright notice and full information about
contacting the author is attached. |
